Barbara A. Kerr & Robyn McKay
The book resonated with me not because of its useful advice, but more for its validation of what it means to be a smart girl. My copy has many highlights and notes, below is a selection of quotes I found interesting or meaningful.
Notable Quotes
"One of the most important messages that we can communicate to smart women is that some portion of society will condemn you no matter what choice you make - so you might as well "lean in" to your most beloved vocation and demand support for your choice to work toward your full intellectual potential as well as toward your dream of family." (23)
"What has suffered most in the lives of today's children, according to many social scientists, is play. Over-scheduled middle class children seldom have time to develop their own ways of playing and relaxing when they have to attend every possible athletic and performance event." (41)
"When we discuss Millennial smart girls, we need to be sensitive to the fact, that more than any other generation, they want to find a way to accomplish their dreams and have a happy family life." (43)
"(...) smart girls should be prepared to optimize their chances for innovative contributions that transform their fields of expertise." (49)
"A role model in the flesh provides more than an inspiration; his or her very existence is confirmation of possibilities one may have every reason to doubt, saying, 'Yes, someone like me can do this.'" (79)
"It is likely that your smart little girl may go through the princess stage - not because she is "biologically programmed" to do so as a female but because she is developmentally wired to defend what she perceives as her gender (...) Help her to see the distinction between princess as a play identity and princess as the end goal in life." (116)
"Be clear that she can be beautiful and strong at the same time, but that when she has to make a choice, strong is better." (117)
"The research is clear about this: Teachers who have had some training in gifted education are much more positive about gifted children and actively try to use the information they have to help make their teaching of smart kids more effective." (124)
"When girls are given too much guidance, too many directions for how to play, and too many rules for what to do when playing alone, they may never develop a sense of inner freedom and playfulness of spirit." (138)
"One of the strengths of gifted girls seems to be the ability to have adventures while taking calculated risks. And usually their calculations turn out well." (144)
"In many ways, computer science and coding for software and the new "math filter" that filter young women out of opportunities for highly paid and highly desirable occupations." (152)
"(...) with confidence and help from others, a failure is an opportunity to learn and to improve." (174)
"For many gifted women, however, there is a disconnect between their actual ability and their confidence in their ability to achieve their goals." (176)
"She offered a strategic plan, which included this advice: (...) "Never know when you're out of milk." (...) Don't put yourself in charge of keeping the inventory of food, the schedule of social events, or the list of chores that need to be done. Even if a partner is helping out with 50% of the actual tasks, being the only person who must be the task-master and keeper of domestic information is stressful. It puts the woman in the position of being the "default mode" for domestic tasks; if she knows what needs to be done and when it needs to be done, it is too often just easier to do it herself." (205)
"Girls need to have faith in their intelligence as a foundation for further learning, as well as the desire to persist in challenging the boundaries of their abilities." (269)
"Bright women deserve the chance not only to achieve what men have been able to achieve throughout time but also the chance to search for meaning and ultimate truths - the chance to be fully human." (277)
"Those young women who challenge traditional gender roles, who expect equity in their relationships, and who expect support for domestic tasks and family life from their partner are more likely to fulfill their career and achievement goals." (285)
"Smart women need to learn how to plan for fortunate happenstance, so that they will be there when the opportunities emerge." (287)
Reading List
- College at 13: Young, Gifted, and Purposeful, Razel Solow & Celeste Rhodes
- Failing at Fairness: How Our Schools Cheat Girls, Myra Sadker
- The Feminine Mystique, Betty Friedan
- Get to Work: A Mainfesto for Women of the World, Linda Hirshman
- Gifted Children: Their Nature and Nurture, Leta Hollingworth
- The Lolita Effect: The Media Sexualization of Young Girls and What We Can Do About It, Meenakshi Durham
- Opting Out? Why Women Really Quit Careers and Head Home, Pamela Stone
- Packaging Girlhood: Rescuing Our Daughters from Maketers' Schemes, Sharon Lamb & Lyn Mikel Brown
- The Rise of the Creative Class, Richard Florida
- Some of My Best Friends Are Books: Guiding Gifted Readers, Judith Halstead
- Ungifted, Intelligence Redefined, Scott Barry Kaufman
- Women Who Opt Out: The Debate Over Working Mothers and Work-Family Balance, Bernie Jones
